I am so angry at my father right now. Well, not as much after this doobie. But he put his cigarettes out into a plant I was growing. I can’t understand why he did that. I asked him not-to 10 times already and he did it, well if it wasn’t him, it was his brain ordering his arm to move and his hands and fingers to drop the cigarettes into a cup holding a plant. Not only one by accident, but four. I cannot understand how he could have done this inadvertently or by accident. I am in equal astonishment why he would do something like this on purpose. Unless it’s some kind of deep repressed resentment for me or something I did or how I treated him in a certain situation.
Anyway, I dumped the plant with the cigarettes in front of his room. I’m not sure if this was the right decision but what was I supposed to do? Ask him nicely for the 11th time? Is that what we do when someone disrespects our boundaries? We continue to ask them nicely not to do it even though they are doing it over and over again. We have to escalate and act more assertively and perhaps even more aggressively at a certain point. I mean, I don’t know, right? Isn’t that the only two alternatives? Continue doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result or change the approach in some way and see if that has a different result.
I don’t fucking know, but I felt very pissed off. Something is not right, though.
Letters from a House of Addiction 